Matters Of The Heart & Loins
Reality Check
Matters of the Heart and Loins
originally published December 8, 2004
The other night, I was out with my buddy and his girlfriend at a show. We have been friends for about six or seven years, and I have only known his girlfriend for a few months. So the drinks are flowing, and we're all having a good time, and she starts getting really flirty with me. And I blow it off, because we're all pretty loaded at the time, and she starts getting more aggressive. Next thing I know, she leans over to me RIGHT BEHIND HIS BACK and asks me to meet her in the bathroom so she can give me a blowjob! I still thought she was kidding, but then she walked away and went into the ladies room. I got all confused and freaked out, and I turned around and had another drink and ignored her. She came out a few minutes later looking really pissed off, and soon after we all left and I stumbled home alone. I never said anything to him about it, and just pretended like everything was cool. So a few days later, I get a phone call from her and she asks me to meet her out this weekend at another show. I am going, but now I don't know what to do. Should I tell my buddy the truth about this chick, or keep my mouth shut and reap the rewards? This girl is super hot, and I don't want to pass up the opportunity, and I don't think he is that serious about her anyway.
My Cock And A Hard Place
Wow. You're seriously going to meet her? Has it occurred to you that you may not be the only guy she's tried to blow in a public restroom? Has it occurred to you that you may be the only one (out of say, possibly hundreds) that had enough sense to say no? And you still think this chick is hot? Since you have clearly made up your mind about what you are going to do, and likely will have already done it by the time this column comes out, then I can only hope you will have the decency to tell your friend what a whore his girlfriend is so he doesn't get hurt. You said that you don't think he is that serious about her. Why not? Because he said as much or because it makes you feel better about messing around with her? Maybe you should start by asking him how he does feel about her, and then you can decide how gentle you need to be when you tell him about her little… problem. If you're lucky, maybe he already knows and he'll forgive you for it. And if you're really lucky, maybe you won't catch anything from your encounter with this lovely girl.
My boyfriend of several years proposed to me last year, and when we went home for Christmas we announced our intention to get married to our families and friends. Everyone was very excited and happy for us. We set the date for late next year, because we both want to finish school and save some money so we can have exactly the kind of wedding we want. When we went home for Thanksgiving this year, my best friend announced that she is getting married, too - but she's doing it in just a couple of months! She and her boyfriend have been dating for several years, and I always knew that they would get married, but does she have to spoil my day by beating me to the punch? I haven't spoken to her since that night, and I know she doesn't even know that I am mad at her. How should I bring this up? I don't want to end our friendship, but I think she is being totally unfair and I don't want her to ruin my wedding either.
Bride To Be
Don't be a selfish bitch, BTB. Your friend getting married before you do will only affect your wedding if you let it. It's not like she planned it for the same day, or even the same month as yours. In fact, if you help her with planning and executing her wedding (and the accompanying showers, parties, etc.) you'll probably be able to plan yours more effectively. Think of it as one more thing you can do together: The bridesmaid's dresses, the cake, the flowers, photographer, food, hall - you can both use some help with decision making, and doing all that research together will probably make it a lot less stressful. Don't think of it as her stealing your thunder, BTB. Think of it as her taking some of the pressure off of you.
I have been dating this guy for a couple of weeks, and so far things are going pretty well. He is attractive and funny and smart, and we seem to have a lot in common. The problem is that we have really only gone out a few times, and with the holidays coming up, he will be going home (a couple of states away) for a week between Christmas and New Year's, and he asked me if I wanted to come and visit him at his parent's house. Now, I know this is normally the guy's department in a relationship, but I am a little freaked out. I mean, it seems a little soon for me to be meeting his family, don't you think? I haven't answered him yet, aside from a mumbled "We'll see," and I really don't know how to get out of it, or even if I should. Your thoughts?
Anonymous
Well, if you're not comfortable with it, then I don't think you should go. I am not a firm believer in specific time limits on "steps" in a relationship (like dating for at least a year before moving in together, or other arbitrary crap I've heard from both sexes), but I definitely suggest holding off right now. You are obviously hesitant, and there is no sense putting stress on something so early when it is clearly going well. Tell him that you will be busy with your own family (or whatever else you will be doing), and let him know that you are open to the possibility of going home with him another time.
Jyl Inov
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Jyl Inov
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Reality Check
Matters of the Heart and Loins
originally published December 1, 2004
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