originally published May 7, 2008

10,000 B.C.

(PG-13) 10,000 B.C. isn’t epic enough to overcome its grievous historical inaccuracies. The greatest flaw of 10,000 B.C. may be in its geography. I could suspend my disbelief to allow for the general abuse of time, but the lack of any geographical cohesion troubled me to no end. Without an engaging story or characters to cling to, 10,000 B.C. left me with far too much time to struggle to make a whole out of the ill-fitting pieces of this shattered lost world.

21

(PG-13) Based on the true life-story of card-counting MIT kids who bilked some Las Vegas casinos for millions, 21 is a crowd pleasing slice of instantly forgettable entertainment. 21 isn’t a bad story, but it deals some clichéd cards. A better director and a more challenging script could have turned 21’s true tale into something more significant.

88 MINUTES

(R) Nine years earlier, Dr. Jack Gramm (a distractingly coiffed Al Pacino), a forensic psychiatrist and college professor, gave the damning evidence that sent Jon Forster (Neil McDonough) to death row. On the eve of his execution, one of Jack’s students is murdered using Forster’s exact M.O., and Jack receives a phone call declaring the gruff prof has 88 minutes to live, and must solve the mystery before time runs out. I felt like I was watching a less sexy knockoff of Jade. Still, between Untraceable and 88 Minutes, 2008 has given pay cable a decent double bill for a rainy Sunday spent on the couch.

ARCTIC TALE

(G) Pretty pictures, obnoxious anthropomorphization. Armed with an obvious agenda, filmmakers Adam Ravetch and Sarah Robertson take the idea of an old Disney nature film - animal actions are ascribed to very human motives - and make an infinitely less convincing global warming tract than Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth. Were Arctic Tale chronicling the life cycle of that frozen wild, like March of the Penguins, rather than positing that walrus Seala and polar bear Nanoo’s quality of life is deteriorating by our human standards, I might have warmed to the film.

BABY MAMA

(PG-13) Former “SNL” Weekend Update anchors Tina Fey and Amy Poehler have reteamed for a seriously funny movie about infertility and surrogacy, not exactly two subjects naturally associated with yuks. Forced to live together for the duration of the pregnancy, Kate and Angie forge an Odd Couple-like bond. The rest of the supporting cast executes their roles properly as well. As the token love interest, Greg Kinnear pretty much makes cute and stays out of the way. But this baby belongs to the mamas, Fey and Poehler, not the daddies, finally putting to rest the sexist assumption that men are funnier than women.

THE BUCKET LIST

(PG-13) If not for the magnetic allure of Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, director Rob Reiner might finally have tumbled to the bottom of moviemaking’s own pit of despair. Hampered by its schmaltzy script, The Bucket List is a road movie for the terminally ill.

DECEPTION

(R) Sporting a generic, direct-to-video moniker like Deception, Hugh Jackman’s first feature as a producer should at least deliver some whiplash-inducing twists and turns. Instead, this overwrought flick has the most unsatisfyingly straight up climax I’ve ever seen from the “you haven’t been crossed until you’ve been triple-crossed” thriller sub-genre. An accountant, Jonathan McQuarry (Ewan McGregor), meets a suave lawyer, Wyatt Bose (Jackman), who takes him to a sleazy underground sex club where Jonathan meets an anonymous blonde (Michelle Williams). Before Jonathan can wrap his number-crunching brain around his newfound luck, the woman disappears, Jonathan’s the prime suspect, Wyatt isn’t actually Wyatt, and $20 million is stolen. Toss in some serious implausibility, and a terribly aggressive score, and Deception makes for one unnecessary filmgoing experience.

EXPELLED: NO INTELLIGENCE ALLOWED

(PG) Equating scientific acceptance of Darwin’s theory of evolution with communism, the intelligent design promoting, evolution slandering Expelled castigates many of the world’s top evolutionary biologists for their passionate adherence to a “mere” theory and their dogged resistance to unprovable intelligent design. Fashioned in the image of a Michael Moore documentary (without the acerbic wit), Expelled chronicles Ben Stein’s counterfeitly naïve journey to discover why scientists who believe in intelligent design are being muzzled by the establishment. We need all kinds of perspectives represented in films and literature, but the only intelligence not allowed in the disingenuous Expelled is that of the viewer.

FLAWLESS

(PG-13) Another mod heist flick released this close to The Bank Job, Flawless stars Demi Moore as Laura Quinn, an executive frustrated by the glass ceiling she keeps bumping her head on. Sensing an easy mark, knowledgeable veteran janitor Hobbs (Michael Caine) convinces Laura to help rob their employer, the London Diamond Corporation. Director Michael Radford, an Academy Award nominee for Il Postino, and first-time screenwriter Edward Anderson lack the tricks needed to outfox the excellent Bank Job, and Moore’s joyless presence is stifling. The only flawless diamond in this film is Caine, yet not even he is brilliant enough to brighten this drab crime drama.

FOOL'S GOLD

(PG-13) Fool’s Gold is as lazy and dumb as its cartoonish main character, treasure salvager Finn (Matthew McConaughey). A dud in every way.

THE FORBIDDEN KINGDOM

(PG-13) Jackie Chan and Jet Li’s first on-screen pairing is the only exciting aspect of the listless Forbidden Kingdom. Modern American teen, Jason Tripitikas (Michael Angarano), gets transported to ancient China when he discovers a magical staff in a pawn shop. The fighting sequences are well-choreographed Crouching Tiger knockoffs at which Li could excel blindfolded, and the 54-year-old Chan retains his comic charm. However, every scene than doesn’t involve fighting is poorly paced and blandly shot. The silly story has potential; this family friendly chopsocky flick would have been a perfect English-language debut for Kung Fu Hustle’s Stephen Chow.

FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL

(R) Since January, 2008’s best films have all been holdovers from 2007, allowing the juvenilely mature, bust-a-gut hilarious Forgetting Sarah Marshall to waltz right into that vacant top spot. Peter Bretter has just had his heart broken by his TV star girlfriend, Sarah Marshall. Now Peter must get over Sarah, with her and Aldous constantly humping in his face, with the help of his new friends. Nothing special can be said about Nicholas Stoller’s direction (then again, FSM producer Judd Apatow isn’t exactly Scorsese), but the cast and Segel’s script, balancing lowbrow sex gags with a heartfelt tale of heartbreak and woe, are darn near perfect. I haven’t laughed so collectively hard with a theater full of strangers since Superbad.

GIRLS ROCK!

(PG) If you didn’t think girls could rock, think again. At the Rock ‘n’ Roll Camp for Girls, four attendees ranging in age from eight to 18 - adopted Laura (15, vocals), recovering meth addict Misty (17, bass), sweet metalhead Palace (7, vocals), and dog-loving Amelia (8, guitar) - learn to form a band, write songs, plays gigs, and generally behave in ways discouraged by years of gender stereotyping. Girls Rock! is the feature debut of directors Arne Johnson and Shane King.

HAROLD & KUMAR ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY

(R) Harold and Kumar have several politically incorrect and devastatingly unfunny encounters with denizens of the South (African Americans, inbred rednecks, the Klan) while on their way to crash the wedding of Kumar’s ex-girlfriend (Danneel Harris, “One Tree Hill”) and her presidentially connected fiancé. Writing/directing team Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg tackle bigger issues than getting to White Castle in this sequel, but the “South Park”-ian task of mixing juvenile humor and politically astute commentary is beyond their meager talent for devising amusing, marijuana-driven scenarios.

HORTON HEARS A WHO!

(G) The 1954 children’s classic about Horton the Elephant (v. Jim Carrey), whose giant ears allow him to communicate with the tiny speck that is the town of Whoville is one of the good doctor’s most beloved tales, right behind Green Eggs and Ham. The laughs in Horton are never cheap or juvenile, yet they are perfectly pitched for little ones’ ears.

IRON MAN

(PG-13) See Movie Pick and Flick Skinny.

LEATHERHEADS

(PG-13) George Clooney’s latest film is like an ugly throwback jersey whose days gone by appeal makes one briefly forget how unfashionable it is right now. Director Clooney momentarily creates a zany Capra-Hawks-Sturges atmosphere; he just doesn’t sustain it. Like 2003’s Down with Love (which also starred Zellweger), Leatherheads is more enamored with its conceit than its conceit is enamoring.

MADE OF HONOR

(PG-13) Patrick Dempsey is Tom, a serial dater who decides his best friend, Hannah (Michelle Monaghan), is his soulmate. Too bad she’s now engaged to a Scotsman (Kevin McKidd from “Journeyman”), and Tom is the Maid of Honor. Now Tom must stop the wedding from the inside if he wants Hannah for himself. I think this entertaining romcom looks like the perfect vehicle to launch the former teen idol from television heartthrob to big-time movie star.

MARRIED LIFE

(PG-13) Set in the 1940s, Married Life stars Academy Award winner Chris Cooper as Harry Allen, a middle-aged man who falls in love with a younger woman (Rachel McAdams) and decides to spare his wife (Patricia Clarkson) the humiliation of divorce by poisoning her to death. Wow, director Ira Sachs’s film sounds uplifting. Based on John Bingham’s novel, Five Roundabouts to Heaven.

NEW YEAR BABY

(NR) 2006. Born on the Cambodian New Year in a Thai refugee camp, Socheata Poeuv travels to her native land to learn the truth about her family and how they survived the Khmer Rouge. Poeuv’s documentary has won numerous awards from festivals in Dallas, New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco and Indianapolis, but my favorite is the Movies That Matter Award from the Amsterdam International Documentary Film Festival. New Year Baby is another offering from the award-winning ITVS series. Part of the ACC Library’s iFilms series.

NIM'S ISLAND

(PG) Nim’s Island is a serviceable family friendly adventure film. Imaginative Nim (Abigail Breslin) lives on an isolated island in the South Pacific with her dad (Gerard Butler) and concocts adventures mirroring those of her favorite fictional hero, the world’s greatest adventurer Alex Rover.

THE OTHER BOLEYN GIRL

(PG-13) The Other Boleyn Girl watches like a TV network’s World Premiere Movie Event, yet Showtime’s “The Tudors” easily out-acts, out-sexes and outclasses this boring bodice-ripper based on Philippa Gregory’s bestseller.

PROM NIGHT

(PG-13) Sharing little more than a title, a setting, and some dead teens with Jamie Lee Curtis’s popular 1980 slasher flick, the new Prom Night is as dreadful as the worst of the four proms I attended.

REDBELT

(R) Top mixed martial arts instructor Mike Terry (Chiwetel Ejiofor) doesn’t like to fight. But after a fateful run-in with a movie star (Tim Allen) leads the financially struggling Mike to a job in the film industry, he finds himself drawn into a game where he might have to fight for his honor. The shocking news about this grown up Never Back Down: it’s written and directed by acclaimed playwright David Mamet.

SHUTTER

(PG-13) This slice of pitiful PG-13 horror pie tasted just fine to its target audience. The 13 (and unders) in the theater were scared out of their minds by this predictable A-horror remake; however, Shutter caused me to barely shudder.

SNOW ANGELS

(R) Southern auteur David Gordon Green (George Washington, All the Real Girls, and Undertow) may be making the jump to the big-time with August’s Apatow-produced Pineapple Express, but art house fans shouldn’t feel abandoned. DGG’s still making complex dramas of small town life. In Snow Angels, a single gunshot unites a teenager, his old babysitter, her estranged husband and their daughter. With Kate Beckinsale, Sam Rockwell and Amy Sedaris. Based on a novel by Stewart O’Nan.

SPEED RACER

(PG) Never being a big fan of the popular Japanese cartoon, I did not anticipate being this excited for Speed Racer, but the candy-colored race world created by the Wachowski Brothers looks invitingly wacky. Speed Racer (Emile Hirsch) hails from a family of gearheads, and all he wants to do is race. With the help of girlfriend Trixie (Christina Ricci) and a mysterious masked competitor, Racer X (Matthew Fox), Speed attempts to win the big race called The Crucible.

THE SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES

(PG) The Spiderwick Chronicles is based on a series of bestselling books by Terry DiTerlizzi and Holly Black about the Grace siblings, twins Jared and Simon (Freddie Highmore) and sister Mallory (Sarah Bolger), who discover a fantastical world existing unseen within our own after they move into the creepy old house that belonged to their great granduncle, Arthur Spiderwick (David Strathairn).

UNDER THE SAME MOON

(PG-13) Under the Same Moon, the film that broke the box office record for biggest opening weekend for a Spanish language film in the U.S., breaks down the controversy over illegal immigration into a simplistic fairy tale. All nine-year-old Carlitos (Adrian Alonso) wants is to come to the U.S. to join his mother Rosario. After his sickly abuela dies, Carlitos takes matters into his own hands, enlisting some college kids (including “Ugly Betty”’s America Ferrera) to smuggle him across the border. The film, the feature debut of director Patricia Riggen, really doesn’t come alive until Carlitos meets Enrique (Eugenio Derbez), a gruff illegal immigrant who begrudgingly agrees to help the young boy get to Los Angeles. Writer Ligiah Villalobos’s scenarios are manipulative, contrived, and sappy, but Under the Same Moon emerges from that suffocating melodramatic plastic thanks to the incredibly charming Alonso, who puts a beatific face upon the millions of anonymous illegal immigrants presently living in the U.S.

VANTAGE POINT

(PG-13) In the ever-expanding genre of action movies for old people, Dennis Quaid is like Arnold Schwarzeneggar in his ‘80s heyday. Too bad the slam-bang premise of Quaid’s latest action film for your parents, Vantage Point, gives out short of the climax.

WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS

(PG-13) While on vacation in Vegas to drown their woes in gambling, alcohol and general excess, Joy (Cameron Diaz) and Jack (Ashton Kutcher) leave Sin City married millionaires. After being sentenced by a judge (Dennis Miller) to six months of marriage before either can touch the money, Joy and Jack learn they might actually like one another. Hopefully, the presence of Rob Corddry as Jack’s wacky buddy will balance out that of Queen Latifah as their therapist.

Drew Wheeler