originally published March 28, 2007

300

(R) A rock and roll historical epic engaging to the modern teenage sensibility, the titular 300 are the hulked out citizen-soldiers led by King Leonidas (Gerard Butler), who smash and grab glory from defeat at the arrowheads of the million-man Persian army lorded over by god-king Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro). Stunning to behold, 300 not only claims itself king of the stylistic mountain, it carves its own mountain from solid stone as director Zack Snyder painstakingly renders Frank Miller’s bold panels in three dimensions. 300 reminds me of why I go to the movies and don’t just stay home basking in the cathode rays of television’s finest hours. Such an imposing refinement of Sparta’s monumental sacrifice, one of history’s great last stands, could not be achieved anywhere save the big screen. If Leonidas and his Spartans wanted their sacrifice to be remembered, 300 makes them unforgettable. (Beechwood, Carmike); Starts Friday (Highway 17 Theatres)

BECAUSE I SAID SO

(PG-13) Diane Keaton is 60-year-old single mom Daphne, who wants so badly to see her youngest, Milly (Mandy Moore), find happiness. Because I Said So’s wasting of Keaton’s immense talents is more than disappointing; it’s heartbreaking. (Georgia Square 5)

BLADES OF GLORY

(PG-13) The simple premise reads like box office gold. Will Ferrell and Jon Heder star as banned Olympic figure skaters who triumphantly return as a pairs team. The comedic support - Will Arnett, Amy Poehler, Craig T. Nelson, Jenna Fischer (“The Office”), Romany Malco (The 40 Year-Old Virgin, “Weeds”) and Nick Swardson (“Reno: 911!”’s Terry) - is stellar. Opens Friday (Beechwood, Carmike)

BLOOD DIAMOND

(R) This action movie with a conscience directed by Edward Zwick takes place during the civil war in Sierra Leone. Diamond smuggler Danny Archer (Leonardo DiCaprio) and fisherman Solomon (Djimon Hounsou), journalist Maddy Bowen (Jennifer Connelly) in tow, struggle across the war-torn country in search of a huge diamond. An engaging, topical action film that reinvigorates the genre. (Georgia Square 5)

BREACH

(PG-13) Based on the true story of the greatest security breach in U.S. history, the film traces the career of young FBI agent-wannabe Eric O’Neill (Ryan Phillippe) after he is handpicked to clerk for über-agent Robert Hanssen (Chris Cooper), who has been tagged as a sexual deviant. At first, O'Neill is perplexed; Hanssen appears to be a devoutly religious patriot and family man and the agent to whom O'Neill must report (Laura Linney) appears cagey, cold and calculating. But Hanssen's facade begins to unravel after O'Neill discovers the real reason he has been assigned to keep tabs on the soon-to-retire agent - the Bureau's top Soviet analyst may be a spy. Strong performances here from the world-weary Cooper and the always understated Linney, and the ex-Mr. Reese Witherspoon is game, but is acted right off the screen by his older, more-experienced, more-talented colleagues. Breach is a competent, engaging (only because it is a true story) character study-cum-spy movie, that nevertheless seems dated by its musty Cold War-aroma. [Margaret Moore] Starts Friday (Georgia Square 5)

BRIDGE TO TERABITHIA

(PG) Real magic lies at the heart of Bridge to Terabithia. To combat the school bullies, Jess (Josh Hutcherson) and new girl Leslie (AnnaSophia Robb), forge an idyllic childhood friendship by creating a kingdom across the river running behind their homes. The land of Terabithia may only exist in Jess and Leslie’s minds, but the film brings their fantastical creatures to life with well-crafted CGI and the power of the audience’s own imagination. Ends Thursday (Beechwood)

DEAD SILENCE

(R) The writers (James Wan and Leigh Whannel) and director (Wan) of Saw have made the year’s most disappointing horror flick. With this nonsensical, ludicrous ghost story about a slain ventriloquist who uses dolls to rip the tongues from her screaming victims, the pair cooked up a greasy, cheesy slice of horribly-written, worse-acted Z-grade horror. At least Whannel can boast of writing Saw II and III, two perfectly acceptable genre entries. The idea of killer dummies might seem creepy in theory, but in practice, they make for silly plot devices unless you’re going for that tongue-in-cheek, Child’s Play vibe. (Carmike); Ends Thursday (Beechwood)

EL ABUELO

(PG) 1998. The death of his son brings an elderly man back to Spain where he intends to discover which of his son’s two daughters is his real granddaughter. The film by José Luis Garci was a nominee for the Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film. Part of the Spanish Language Film Series: Childhood and Adolescence in Spain. Shows Wednesday, 3/28 (GMOA)

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

(R) 2004. Though Jim Carrey as a depressed, loveless loser is hard to buy, he impressively conveys Joel Barish’s desire to resign from all aspects of human contact, and life in general, post his nasty breakup with free spirit Clementine (Kate Winslet). Charlie Kaufman’s labyrinthine mind has finally written a script that delivers an emotional right hook to rival his intellectual haymaker, and director Michel Gondry (The Science of Sleep) stages it all with style, utilizing forced perspective and anything else his imagination can muster to construct a bittersweet and ultimately redemptive examination of the affairs of the heart and mind. Shows Thursday, 3/29 (Tate)

GHOST RIDER

(PG-13) Johnny Blaze (Nicolas Cage) sells his soul to Mephistopheles (Peter Fonda) and becomes a flaming, leather-clad, motorcycle-riding skeleton supernaturally powerful enough to punish evil. In spite of Cage’s every misstep, when Blaze transforms into the Rider, Ghost Rider changes into the hokey, B-list superhero fun it was meant to be. Ends Thursday (Carmike)

HAPPY FEET

(PG) Mumble the penguin (voiced by Elijah Wood) takes an eye-popping, breathtaking journey from dropped egg to societal savior. Happy Feet taps out a fresh rhythm to which you can dance when it’s not delivering pat lessons on religious intolerance and environmental destruction. (Georgia Square 5)

THE HILLS HAVE EYES II

(R) Wes Craven’s done this before, stepping in to write a sequel to one of his creations, but all he’s done with HHEII is muck it up worse than the first time. HHEII starts out nasty enough, with an icky mutant birth that proves the miracle of life to be a big fat lie. But within 15 minutes of the arrival of a squad of whiny National Guard trainees, I was already praying for their gory deaths. HHEII is all about boring death selection and rote plotting. I would blame director Martin Weisz, but honestly, it is Craven’s involvement that got my hopes up for this quickie sequel. At least original remaker Alexandre Aja understood that gore must be in service of something, shoring up his grisly film with a Eurovision of America - bombed-out model homes populated with radioactive mutants - worthy of Lars von Trier; Craven’s political grandstanding is neutered by the amateurish troupe of assembled victims… er, actors. The Hills may have eyes, but I do, too. And mine don’t appreciate what they saw one bit. (Beechwood, Carmike)

I THINK I LOVE MY WIFE

(R) Chris Rock’s big screen failings (he’s not a very good actor, writer, or director) provide all the necessary reasons to tut-tut his decision to remake French filmmaker Eric Rohmer’s Chloe in the Afternoon. In I Think I Love My Wife, Rock plays Richard Cooper, an investment banker bored with his wife, Brenda (Gina Torres). When the literally smoking Nikki Tru (Kerry Washington) begins dropping by Richard’s office for daily lunches, he starts a sexless affair. Rock the writer barely shows a smidgen of maturity, and no matter what emotion Rock the actor is meant to be conveying, his eyes betray a mirthful, mischievous, “I’m just acting” gleam. As a director, he shows a visual restraint missing from his first effort. Still, Rock spends far too much time on dated pop zingers and over-deployed f-bombs. His distastefully foul-mouthed characters need to wash their mouths out with soap. Maybe then they could deal with their marital issues like adults. Rock may think he loves his wife, but I doubt she’d like his misogynistic new film. I don’t. Ends Thursday (Beechwood, Carmike)

JAPÓN

(NR) 2002. In Carlos Reygadas’ strongly sexual Cannes award winner, a man (Alejandro Ferretis) travels to the country to commit suicide but soon finds love on the farm of Ascen (Magdalena Flores), an old religious woman. Winner of 15 worldwide accolades ranging from Mexico’s Silver Ariel to Tromsø’s Aurora. Part of the Latin American film series. Visit www.titletk.com/latinamericanfilm for more information. Shows Tuesday, 4/3 (UGA SLC 171)

THE LAST MIMZY

(PG) The Last Mimzy left me more clueless than enthralled though the sci fi flick directed by New Line honcho Robert Shaye (unlike I claimed in last week’s preview, he has been behind the camera before, but can you blame me for forgetting about 1990’s Book of Love?) is better than its woeful ad campaign would lead you to believe. Two kids, Noah and Emma Wilder (Chris O’Neil and Rhiannon Leigh Wryn), become geniuses after discovering a box of toys, including stuffed rabbit Mimzy, on the beach. Shaye proves a passable - I stress passable - a director, but he should stick to greenlighting projects and signing checks. Shaye’s smartest move may have been casting Rainn Wilson of “The Office,” a rising comedic star if ever there were one whose presence entertains no matter what he is called on to do. Still, The Last Mimzy could have been a much worse kiddie encounter of the third kind. (Beechwood, Carmike, Highway 17 Theatres)

LITTLE CHILDREN

(R) 2006. From In the Bedroom’s Academy Award-nominated writer-director, Todd Field, Little Children was hailed by many critics as one of the year’s best. The trailer for this tale of infidelity amongst the playgrounds and swimming pools of a small town remains powerful stuff. Kate Winslet won her fifth Academy Award nomination, Field his second writing nomination, and Jackie Earle Haley his first acting nod in Hollywood’s feel-good story of the year. Based on the novel by co-screenwriter Tom Perrotta, Little Children also stars Patrick Wilson and Jennifer Connelly. Shows Friday, 3/30–Sunday, 4/1 (Tate)

THE LOOKOUT

(R) Scott Frank, the hard-boiled screenwriter behind Get Shorty and Out of Sight, turns in a directorial debut close to his writing roots. The Lookout is Chris Pratt (Joseph Gordon-Levitt, the kid from “3rd Rock”), a once promising high school athlete turned bank janitor who gets caught up in a heist. The Lookout sounds a lot like Charlie Huston’s kick-ass Hank Thompson trilogy, and that’s not bad news at all. With Jeff Daniels, Isla Fisher (Wedding Crashers) and Carla Gugino. Opens Friday (Beechwood)

MEET THE ROBINSONS

(G) This digital 3-D wonder should be Disney’s second straight in-house (read: non-Pixar) animated hit. Boy genius Lewis travels to the future to help Wilbur Robinson and his eccentric extended family hunt down the Bowler Hat Guy. With less star power than your typical voice cast, Robinsons must succeed on its stunning visuals and that awesomely submissive T-Rex who steals the trailer. Based on the bestseller by William Joyce. Opens Friday (Beechwood, Carmike)

THE MESSENGERS

(PG-13) The Pang Brothers come to Hollywood with an obvious yet foreboding ghost story. The Solomons have just moved to North Dakota. The idyllic escape doesn’t last long as teenage daughter Jess (Kristen Stewart) begins sensing the creepiness that lurks inside the most clearly haunted house ever. But with its limp climactic twist, the flick finishes most unsatisfyingly. Still, for about an hour there, Hollywood properly translates the illogical, scary language of Japanese horror. Ends Thursday (Georgia Square 5)

A NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM

(PG) A barely amusing romp due in large part to everyone but its star (Ben Stiller), showcases the comedian in all his childish unlikability. After taking a job as a night guard at the Museum of Natural History, he discovers the displays come to life when the sun goes down. (Georgia Square 5)

NORBIT

(PG-13) Nice guy Norbit (Eddie Murphy) is married to Rasputia (Murphy again), a large woman as hideous on the outside as she is within. When Norbit’s soulmate, Kate (Thandie Newton), returns, the mild-mannered nebbish must find a backbone and fight for his and Kate’s happiness. It’s sad to see Murphy slumming again. (Highway 17 Theatres)

OLD JOY

(NR) A picturesque postcard from the Pacific Northwest, Old Joy slowly meanders through a camping trip two old friends take to get reacquainted with each other. Mark (Daniel London) is soon to be a father; Kurt (Will Oldham) is a carefree layabout. Those facts are all we learn about Mark and Kurt in director Kelly Reichardt’s beautifully repetitive compilation of nature photography. Ends Thursday (Carmike)

PEACEFUL WARRIOR

(PG-13) Controversial film director (and convicted child molester) Victor Salva (Powder, Jeepers Creepers) directed this film about a talented young gymnast, Dan Millman (Scott Mechlowicz), who befriends an older man named Socrates (Nick Nolte) who "opens his eyes to a new way of living and thinking." Creeped out yet? Based on Dan Millman's autobiography, so maybe not as creepy as it sounds. Maybe. Opens Friday (Carmike)

PREMONITION

(PG-13) A much better, more intriguing film than its “Medium”-channeling trailer lets on, Premonition really nails the whole “is she crazy or isn’t she?” ethos with surprising gravitas, thanks to its talented, easily overlooked star, Sandra Bullock. When the world of Linda Hanson (Bullock) collapses in on itself upon the accidental death of her husband, Jim (Julian McMahon of “Nip/Tuck”), the housewife breaks from reality and starts experiencing that fateful week out of order. Structured on the skeleton of Memento, where causes are elucidated from effects, Premonition doesn’t quite put all the puzzle pieces back in the proper places. Several pieces are missing entirely as Linda’s actions would have consequences we are never privileged to see. Still, I’m buying everything Bullock’s selling, be it crazy, tough, or just flat-out heartbroken, and neither the obligatory, inscrutably pseudo-revelatory ending nor the out-of-left-field detour into Christianity can douse Bullock’s surefire performance. (Beechwood, Carmike)

PRIDE

(PG) Pride, the newest sports inspiration film, this time about an African-American swim team that succeeds against all odds, holds tight to the genre formula. First, a young idealist, college graduate Jim Ellis (Terrence Howard, who might be the best actor working in Hollywood at present), takes a job at a soon-to-be demolished recreation center. Next, he teaches the attitudinal neighborhoods kids to swim. Of course, they must fail miserably against their privileged white competition - coached by a douchier-than-usual Tom Arnold - before learning a lesson needed to overcome the great challenge/ complication/ tragedy en route to victory at the Big Meet. Knock formulas all you want, but Coke, 409 and Grecian are all classic formulas that work pretty darn well. The same goes for Pride, mainly because Howard can imbue even the most insipid calendar cliché with such power. As the rec center’s loyal maintenance man, Bernie Mac provides just the right combination of laughter and tears; he really has the makings of an award-winning supporting player. Drown the romantic subplot with a city councilwoman (Kimberly Elise), and Howard’s Pride might just goeth before every one of his recent inspirational coaching peers. (Carmike)

PRINCESS MONONOKE

(PG-13) 1997. Prior to 2001’s Spirited Away, Hayao Miyazaki was best known for this magnificent animated adventure. A young prince cursed with an incurable disease seeks a possible cure but winds up in the midst of a war between beast and man. The animals of the forest, led by Princess Mononoke, seek to defeat the men of a local industrial town whose exploitation of the woods is slowly killing them. The sickly prince must endeavor to end this conflict as well as continue to seek his own salvation. The English adaptation of this film was written by acclaimed comic book author Neil Gaiman (Sandman). Part of Oconee County Library’s Teen Scene. Shows Friday, 3/30 (Oconee County Library)

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS

(PG-13) Devoted father and salesman Chris Gardner (Will Smith) finds himself homeless due to bad investments and stupid decisions. But with pluck, moxie and a little luck, he lands on his feet after the greedy rich men of Dean Witter graciously offer Chris a job after he makes them oodles of money during an unpaid internship. The problem with the well-made Happyness is, if you’re not careful, you’ll swallow the shit it’s shoveling. (Georgia Square 5)

REIGN OVER ME

(R) See Movie Pick. (Beechwood)

RENO 911!: MIAMI

(R) I am pleased to announce Reno 911!: Miami is Police Academy for a new millennium, and every thousand years, we need a new Police Academy. Plus, Paul Rudd’s hideous Scarface impersonation is almost as good as Michael Winslow’s mouth effects. Sketch comedy is always hit-or-miss, but these cops are sharpshooters. Ends Thursday (Highway 17 Theatres)

SHOOTER

(R) See Movie Pick. (Beechwood, Carmike)

SCREAMING QUEENS: THE RIOTS AT COMPTON'S CAFETERIA

(NR) 2005. Screaming Queens documents the 1966 struggle of gay street hustlers and transgender women against police harassment in San Francisco’s Tenderloin district. At Compton’s, a cup of coffee tossed at a police officer sparked the modern militant movement for transgender rights. Sponsored by the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender (LGBT) Resource Center. Shows Wednesday, 3/28 (UGA SLC 150)

SISTER HELEN

(NR) 2002. Sister Helen is a tough talking, recovering alcoholic nun who lost her husband and sons to the substance abuse she now fights in a South Bronx halfway house for addicts. One of the most acclaimed documentaries of recent years, Sister Helen won a Sundance Film Festival award for documentary directing, a Westchester Film Festival award for Best Documentary, and a Gold Hugo from the Chicago International Film Festival. Part of the ACC Library’s iFilms series. Shows Thursday, 3/29 (ACC Library)

TMNT

(PG) See Flick Skinny. After a 14-year absence from the big screen, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have returned. Everything I know about ninjas pretty much comes from reading Turtles comics and watching Turtles cartoons, so you can imagine my excitement upon first seeing the adult-looking trailer for TMNT. Having now seen the entire computer-animated flick, I lament its more cartoonish, less comic bookish antics. As perfectly as writer-director Kevin Munroe captures the four distinct personalities of responsible leader Leonardo, intelligent Donatello, angry Raphael (my fave), and doltish Michelangelo (even as a kid, I found his buffoonery irritating), why does he prove such a bad judge of villainy? You don’t make a Turtles movie without The Shredder. Did Bryan Singer get rid of Magneto or return Superman to a world without Lex Luthor? Of course he didn’t. Fighting some immortal, thousand-year-old Kurgan wannabe (v. Patrick Stewart) rather than Shredder is a half-shelled idea that makes the Turtles’ latest adventure instantly forgettable. (Beechwood, Carmike)

WILD HOGS

(PG-13) Wild Hogs is more premise than movie. Four middle-aged suburban eunuchs - John Travolta, Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence and William H. Macy - try to regain their masculinity by hitting the open road on their bikes. Warning: Most of the jokes are less funny than they may appear. After the movie, you’ll be picking sexual innuendoes - hetero and homo - out of your teeth like so many bugs. Travolta slathers on his enchanting old musk, but mustering up any sympathy for this not-so-wild bunch of grown men was impossible. This flick’s just coasting on the fumes of its stars’ fading charms. (Beechwood, Carmike)

Drew Wheeler