originally published December 13, 2006

APOCALYPTO

(R) See Flick Skinny. Hollywood is an oddly forgiving place - if you have money and talent. Have sex with a 13-year-old and make a spectacular film about the Holocaust, and it’s Oscar time, Mr. Polanski. Crazy Mel Gibson hopes Apocalypto, his spin of the Wheel of Career Forgiveness, will be as successful. Crafting an ultraviolent period drama in a dead language with no bankable stars may not have been the sanest cinematic choice for recovery from drunken anti-Semitism. Gibson, attempting to jab relevantly and pointedly at our society, recreates Mayan civilization at its most Romanly decadent. Heads roll as the Mayan leaders beg their gods for relief from drought, famine and plague. The vibrant fever dream, incubated in the sun-stroked brain of Oscar winner Gibson, viscerally frightens and awes once captured tribesman Jaguar Paw (Rudy Youngblood) reaches the massive stone city. But when Jaguar Paw traipses back into the forest with a Mayan Tommy Lee Jones hot on his heels, Apocalypto becomes one long footrace landmarked by dangerous jungle clichés (snake, waterfall, quicksand, etc.). I could care less about Gibson’s personal demons so long as he posts a viable artistic vision, but all he’s done with Apocalypto is class up gore for the black-tie set. (Beechwood, Carmike)

BARNYARD

(PG) Otis (Kevin James), a carefree young Holstein, refuses to settle down until his pops Ben (Sam Elliott), gets offed by a pack of coyotes. Pretty creepy to behold and a bit more serious than the preview lets on, Barnyard is the slightest animated kiddie flick of the season. Ends Thursday (Georgia Square 5)

BLOOD DIAMOND

(R) Blood Diamond, an action movie with a conscience directed by Edward Zwick (Glory, The Last Samurai), intervenes in the civil war fought between the government and the RUF in Sierra Leone. Diamond smuggler Danny Archer (Leonardo DiCaprio) and fisherman Solomon (Djimon Hounsou), journalist Maddy Bowen (Jennifer Connelly) in tow, struggle across the war-torn country in search of a huge diamond. The dramatically convenient Diamond, written by Charles Leavitt (K-Pax), doesn’t connect the dots; it forces the dots to conjure the image it desires. Still, “T.I.A.” - “this is Africa,” as Danny says - and I am typically absorbed by films detailing the everyday struggles of the continent’s many peoples. Rescuing Diamond from its over-didacticism are its soulful, human leads. Leo is having a stellar year. He’s sure to snag an Oscar nod for either this or The Departed. Connelly is radiant in her distressed jungle mode, and Hounsou never allows his dedicated papa to flatline from virtue. Zwick helped his chances with me by casting Stephen Collins, long television’s most undervalued player (an eternity in "7th Heaven” will do that to you). Diamond’s hopes to curtail the trafficking of conflict diamonds overreach, but this engaging, topical action film reinvigorates the genre. (Beechwood, Carmike)

BORAT

(R) Armed to the teeth with uncomfortable malapropisms and anti-Semitism, Kazakhstan television personality Borat Sagdiyev (Sacha Baron Cohen) travels across the United States, unmasking inner bigotry wherever he goes. With Borat, Cohen isn’t laughing with the us, he’s laughing at the us, a distinction too fine for an America as stupid as the one he exposes to make. Ends Thursday (Beechwood, Carmike)

CASINO ROYALE

(PG-13) How well does new 007 Daniel Craig wear the famed tux? Pretty damn well. Chronicling Bond’s first assignment as a Double O, Casino Royale charts very highly, and so does its new Bond. Every fight in Casino Royale includes the most vicious fisticuffs ever seen in a Bond film. The physicality of the free-running stunts is exhaustingly exciting. I don’t know where the Bond franchise is headed, but I do know nobody’s done it better than Casino Royale and Daniel Craig in a long, long time. (Beechwood, Carmike, Highway 17 Theatres)

CHARLOTTE'S WEB

(PG) Runt Wilbur (v. Dominic Scott Kay, The Wild) and magnanimous spider Charlotte (v. Julia Roberts) save the young pig’s bacon with a publicity campaign Madison Avenue would kill for. Dakota Fanning stars as Fern, the little girl who loves Wilbur. Directed by Gary Winick (13 Going on 30). Opens Friday (Beechwood, Carmike)

DECK THE HALLS

(PG) A holiday dictator, Steve Finch (Matthew Broderick), feels his new neighbor, Buddy Hall (Danny DeVito), is trying to out-decorate him. The slapsticky competition that ensues is only slightly less funny than the actual words coming out of the actor’s mouths. Subtle and destructive as a nuclear hammer, this sex-obsessed family flick just might make the year-end Worst of List. Here’s hoping. Ends Thursday (Beechwood)

DÉJÀ VU

(PG-13) This sci fi/ action/ romance is never as tricky as it thinks it is, but it’s not a bad way to spend an evening, either. ATF agent Doug Carlin (Denzel Washington) joins a top secret government task force, led by Val Kilmer, to stop the explosion he’s currently investigating from ever happening. The flick tries to blow some scientific mumbo-jumbo up the audience’s collective ass, but it’s too boring and complicated. Ignore the science, enjoy the action. (Beechwood, Carmike)

EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH

(PG-13) The cinematic coming out party for insanely popular standup comic Dane Cook (he’s funny but he’s not that funny) does its job with surprising sweetness and a decent little ensemble. Love and hard work are blooming at the Super Club when slacker box boy Zack (Cook) falls for new cashier Amy (Jessica Simpson, absolutely listless but a perfect trashier hottie). Give this Employee one of those precious gold stars. Starts Friday (Georgia Square 5)

ERAGON

(PG) Based on the best-seller by Christopher Paolini, who started writing Eragon at age 15, the film stars newcomer Edward Speleers as the Dragon Rider fated to save the kingdom of Alagaesia from evil King Galbatorix (John Malkovich). The directorial debut of visual effects guru Stephen Fangmeier also stars Jeremy Irons. Opens Friday (Beechwood, Carmike)

FACING THE GIANTS

(PG) A film from the media ministry at Albany’s Sherwood Baptist Church. Sherwood media minister Alex Kendrick directed, cowrote, co-produced, edited, composed the pompous score, and stars as head football coach Grant Taylor, who turns to the Lord to conquer the “giants of fear and failure.” With an entirely volunteer cast (and a cameo by UGA’s Mark Richt), Giants looks and sounds as homemade as it is. Starts Friday (Georgia Square 5)

FLICKA

(PG) Katie (Alison Lohman) hopes breaking wild mustang Flicka can prove her ranch handiness to daddy (Tim McGraw). Lohman is always impressive, even if her career choices oddly seesaw between adult and innocent. Flicka’s no stud, but sometimes all a family needs is a steady workhorse. Ends Thursday (Georgia Square 5)

FLYBOYS

(PG-13) Flyboys could be Top Gun 1917. Unfortunately, it ends up being Pearl Harbor: 24 Years Earlier. Atrocious dialogue, anachronisms (James Franco has fracking highlights in his hair!), and a bland band of flyers down a film that aspires to the grand old-fashioned romance of the award-winning air films of the 1920s–'30s (Wings and Hell’s Angels, this is not). Ends Thursday (Georgia Square 5)

THE FOUNTAIN

(PG-13) If Darren Aronofsky is the new Kubrick, then The Fountain is his 2001. Visually spectacular and esoterically incomprehensible, The Fountain spans thousands of years in the love life of two soulmates (Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz). This film possesses a rare curative power, and Aronofsky controls a talent of equal scarcity. A flawed masterpiece, The Fountain feels incomplete. I wonder what could have been had Aronofsky’s original vision been completed. Wearing its heart proudly on its intelligent designer sleeve, rightly deserves entombment in the heady sci fi mausoleum that houses 2001 and Solaris. Ends Thursday (Beechwood)

A GOOD YEAR

(PG-13) The latest vintage from Academy Award winning vintners Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe coats the palate with forced, disingenuous sweetness that masks its sour grapes. Max Skinner (Russell Crowe) believes greed to be very good. You can practically see the cartoon dollar signs in Max’s eyes after he learns beloved yet estranged Uncle Henry (Albert Finney) has left him his vineyard. Don’t bother uncorking this one. Starts Friday (Georgia Square 5)

HAPPY FEET

(PG) Mumble the penguin (voiced by Elijah Wood) takes an eye-popping, breathtaking journey from dropped egg to societal savior. Happy Feet taps out a fresh rhythm to which you can dance when it’s not delivering pat lessons on religious intolerance and environmental destruction. Not until the Amigos appear, led by the infectious Ramon (Robin Williams), does this cold film thaw somewhat. Thinking visually, the musically gifted Happy Feet fails to act narratively. (Beechwood, Carmike)

THE HOLIDAY

(PG-13) See Movie Pick. (Beechwood, Carmike)

THE ILLUSIONIST

(PG-13) Edward Norton stars as Eisenheim, the magic man who, while performing in turn-of-the-century Vienna, makes an enemy of Crown Prince Leopold (Rufus Sewell), whose intended (Jessica Biel) is the magician’s one true love. Writer-director Neil Burger soaks the audience in mysterious wonder, a sleight of hand that quickly vanishes once the magical show is over. (Georgia Square 5)

LOST BOYS OF SUDAN

(NR) 2003. Amnesty International at Cedar Shoals High School holds a screening of acclaimed documentary Lost Boys of Sudan, which follows two Sudanese boys on their journey from African refugee camps to suburban America. Donations will go towards Amnesty's efforts towards ending the genocide in Sudan and other human rights campaigns. Free admission and refreshments. Shows Friday, 12/15 (Cedar Shoals High School)

MAN OF THE YEAR

(PG-13) Who hasn’t considered the blissful prospect of a Jon Stewart-delivered State of the Union Address? Writer-director Barry Levinson wastes that peach of an idea on a weak campaign that is completely undermined by its star candidate: Robin Williams. Man doesn’t just lack yuks; it goes horrendously off-message with a thriller subplot. Ends Thursday (Georgia Square 5)

THE NATIVITY STORY

(PG) I’m not ruining anything by telling you this retelling of the most famous story ever told holds no surprises. Mary (Keisha Castle-Hughes, who is actually pregnant and unmarried) is told by Gabriel (the kind of creepy Alexander Siddig) that she’s having God’s kid. Then, she and Joseph (Oscar Isaac) travel to Bethlehem where there’s a manger and some swaddling clothes. Besides the glorious cinematography of Elliot Davis, I found very little wonder in the third film from Catherine Hardwicke (Thirteen, Lords of Dogtown). What’s next? Nativity II: Jesus Bugaloo? (Beechwood, Carmike, Highway 17 Theatres)

OPEN SEASON

(PG) As the voice of Elliot, an obnoxious mule deer exiled from his herd, Ashton Kutcher goofs around the woods for an hour and a half. Open Season, with its paranoid nutter of a hunter and anthropomorphically emotive animals, is rabidly anti-hunting. Unappealing voicework and animation as alluring as a strip mine mar Sony Pictures Animation’s first full-length feature. Starts Friday (Georgia Square 5)

OVERNIGHT

(R) Talk about a dream turned nightmare. After Miramax chief Harvey Weinstein offered Boston bartender Troy Duffy the chance to turn his first script, The Boondock Saints, into a $15-million film, everything fell apart. Ego destroys Duffy, turning him into an industry pariah. The film is put into turnaround and Duffy hasn’t directed since. Capturing Duffy’s meltdown on camera, directors Tony Montana and Mark Brian Smith impart key wisdom to aspiring filmmakers everywhere. Part of the ACC Library’s iFilms series. Shows Thursday, 12/14 (ACC Library)

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN’S CHEST

(PG-13) Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) must retrieve the compass of Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) for a power-hungry noble. Meanwhile, Captain Jack is pursued by sea demon Davy Jones (Bill Nighy). Depp still slurs and swishes across the screen, but, called upon to again rescue an entire film, finds himself a few witty doubloons short. Ends Thursday (Georgia Square 5)

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS

(PG-13) Happyness tells the touching - or is it treacly? - true story of Chris Gardner (Will Smith), a salesman who uses every trick in his sample case to better the life of his five-year-old son (Smith’s real-life son, Jaden Christopher Syre Smith). Taking a prestigious internship at a stock brokerage firm, Chris and his son must sleep in homeless shelters, bus stations and bathrooms on the way to achieving their dream. Opens Friday (Beechwood, Carmike, Highway 17 Theatres)

THE QUEEN

(PG-13) A sort of sequel to director Stephen Frears’ “The Deal,” The Queen is a royal “West Wing,” allowing a glimpse behind the throne. Portraying her second Elizabeth in a year, Helen Mirren brings all her graceful control and ice-cold radiance to a Royal Majesty bungling the sudden death of constant thorn in her crown, Princess Diana. Written by Peter Morgan (The Last King of Scotland) with a deftly light comic touch that detracts nothing from its dark gravity, The Queen posits what transpired in the private chambers of the monarchy. Frears and Morgan pack a four-hour miniseries of complexity into 97 minutes, yet the film remains crisp and clear as a beautiful winter’s day. The Queen’s most pleasant surprise is its sense of humor. (Beechwood)

THE SANTA CLAUSE 3: THE ESCAPE CLAUSE

(G) If you’re looking to get your holly jollies early, your cinematic sleigh has arrived. SC3 may use every elfin pun imaginable as Jack Frost (Martin Short) challenges the reign of Santa/ Scott Calvin (Tim Allen), but nothing about the high-concept, low-imagination flick is terrible. SC3 is just an old-fashioned family holiday film. (Carmike); Ends Thursday (Beechwood)

TURISTAS

(R) The spine-tingling first half - the black market organ harvesting spiders lure unsuspecting American tourists into their web with a beach, a bar and Brazilian babes (you’ve got to seriously consider a situation not to be copasetic when the ugly guy gets some hot Brazilian action) - works better than Hostel’s rip-off of Eurotrip. Still, I’ll take Eli Roth’s zesty bloodletting over this humorless, overly coincidental reason not to travel to South America any day. Ends Thursday (Carmike)

UNACCOMPANIED MINORS

(PG) Oh what Home Alone hath wrought! Most non-animated kiddie flicks seem to follow the live-action cartoon model of John Hughes’ mega-blockbuster. So when a group of kids - the oddball, the nerd (Tyler James Williams of “Everybody Hates Chris”), the princess and the tough girl - are stranded in an airport for Christmas, they naturally run around committing various acts of violent slapstick to the resident uncompromising adult (Lewis Black of “The Daily Show”) and his dopey sidekick (a bloated Wilmer Valderrama) in order to make the best of a bad holiday. Based on the real-life holiday experience of “This American Life” contributor Susan Barton, Minors has a talented and hip television pedigree. Were I a preteen, Minors would have been right up my alley. A magical Xmas spent in the unclaimed baggage warehouse, filled to brimming with potentially wondrous gifts, would renew my belief in Santa forthwith. Not much - humor, plot, sentiment - in Minors exists for the adult guardian in attendance (you might want to check out The Holiday), but this standard Christmas story is strangely joyous and not as noxious as Deck the Halls. (Beechwood, Carmike)

VAN WILDER 2: RISE OF THE TAJ

(R) Wilder’s star pupil, Taj (Kal Penn, Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle), travels to England to spread his mentor’s lessons for sexing up college chicks and STDs. The bizarre sanitization of puerile cinema may have cut down on the amount of female breasts Taj displays, but God bless, it can’t keep them all fully clothed. Ends Thursday (Carmike)